The Road to Hell is Paved With Reasonable Comfort

When I woke up this morning I didn't feel great but then again I didn't feel too bad. Some mornings I've been waking up in physical discomfort with trapped nerves, aching muscles and stiff joints, short of sleep and feeling pretty rough. Very occasionally I wake up feeling totally refreshed and comfortable. This morning I was sort of OK.

It wasn't as bitterly cold as it has been recently but then again it wasn't exactly warm. The news on the radio wasn't exactly good news, it never is, but nothing really grabbed me.

I found myself without any particular short term obligation or need. Over the past week or so as I've been feeling better (with expert physio help) I've been getting done all the things that were piling up: sending off my theology assignments to be marked; answering emails, doing personal admin tasks and generally making arrangements.

So while I wasn't exactly bursting with health, life and motivation I couldn't complain either.

I wondered to myself what Jesus Christ meant to me on such a day, in such a mood and in such a condition. The answer was ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

Could it be that the only life Jesus doesn't touch is a life that isn't being lived?

We hear a lot about people losing their faith when bad things happen. But perhaps more deadly to faith is the pereception that sometimes nothing happens?

Of course that's not the reality. The idea that nothing in my life, in my relationships, in my family or community, nothing in the world in which I live in has any claim on me is just an illusion. But it's often how we feel.

Jesus Christ is an every present reality, an endless resource, an eternal challenge for every second of our life. But quite often we pretend not to be alive. Being 'dead in our sins' doesn't just mean active and conscious wickedness - it includes a self-numbing indifference, our giving in to the temptation to disengage from our life and the world around us.

Everything isn't fine in my life so the feeling that nothing matters this morning isn't particularly helpful.

I think I need to find the time to read Kierkegaard on authenticity. But before I do that I need to return to my real life where Jesus will be waiting for me. Just like it says in Ephesians 2: 1-5, we are made 'alive in Christ'.

I'm not sure what I believe about hell. I don't know whether it is a place of flames, torture, and damnation. But a good preparation for hell would be an earthly life of mild comfort with neither pain nor pleasure, joy nor sorrow. Of course life on earth isn't like that at all; the idea that it is comes from within us, it is an illusion. Pay any sort of proper attention to your life and it will not be bland and average. It might not be comfortable, it might not be joyous, but Jesus remains relevant and available to every life that is being lived.

But I don't like Anne Atkins!

'Thought for the day' had already started when I turned on the radio this morning but I soon tuned in to what the speaker was saying and it did what it says on the tin - it gave me something to think about throughout today.

The speaker was describing her life in a barely populated village and questioning the orthodoxy about the population 'explosion'. Do we really not have room for everyone? Or isn't the problem that everyone now wants to live further and further away from everyone else? She had a point, cities have a lot to be said for them - particularly when it comes to learning to live with (and tolerate) your fellow human beings. How many, seemingly idyllic, villages are actually places where ignorance and prejudice fester without ever being challenged? I was particularly impressed that she linked this idea to CS Lewis's 'The Great Divorce' (Hell is a place where people get further and further away from each other) and how she talked about the difference between the simple garden of Eden in Genesis and the vision of the heavenly city, brimming with people, in Revelation.

She was also right to point out how families divide themselves up into separate houses and flats more and more. She's right about this but I this isn't something I'd like to change. Like most people I think I'd rather eat my own limbs than live in a house with three generations of the same family. The old deference and conservatism doesn't last long when it becomes economically possible to live a more independent life. Don't get me wrong, I think families are great, and big extended families do a much better job of bringing up children than smaller ones (there's always someone to talk to who is a little bit, but not too much, older than you) but all living under one roof often destroys relationships that could thrive given more space.

Overall it was an impressive and thought provoking little talk. The only problem was about half way through I started to recognise the voice of the speaker. 'Oh no, it's Anne Atkins' I said. 'But I don't like Anne Atkins!'

She's really annoyed me in the past by mixing the attitudes of the Daily Mail with scripture into one distressing and smug monologue. But I have to admit she was pretty good today.

It's true, isn't it? We find it hard to separate the message from the messenger. How many times, I wonder, have I rejected something good because I don't like the person saying it? And how many times have I persuaded myself that black is white because of warm feelings towards the person saying it?

Which makes a real problem for the church. A lot of people don't like Christians and to be honest a lot of Christians are not very likeable. Many people find the Christians that they meet smug, arrogant, irritating, bland, unattractive, weird... (I could go on for a very long time)

We fall into a trap of thinking that people aren't Christians because they haven't heard about Jesus. But very often the opposite is true: some people are not and never will be Christians because they have heard about Jesus, and they didn't think much of the person they heard it from.

Does the earthquake mean that God is angry with us?

When the brain encounters something that doesn't make sense it tends to use a template of what it has already encountered or thought about to explain it. So when the earthquake hit Sheffield at 1am last night I immediately thought that the house was being shaken as though it was wrapped in a giant hand. My wife heard a great noise but I have no memory of it, just my perception at the time of the house being in a giant hand and being given a gentle shake.

In the Bible, in the past and still in some parts of the world an earthquake is interpreted as God's anger with humanity. Of course we're far too sophisticated to think like that now - but even without us thinking that this is direct retribution for specific acts we might still ask how we fit the fact of earthquakes into our Christian view.

At the beginning of Genesis God brings order to a previously chaotic scene. Random, meaningless and formless nature is composed into a harmonious and purposeful world. The universe seems to be full of planets where this chaos still reins and life is not possible and I find this a great source of faith - it makes it seem all the more incredible that the earth is set up as it is - and while it's possible, I suppose, for this to be random it seems much more likely to be as a result of some sort of design. The idea that this is random, while possible, involves a certain commitment to a certain way of looking at the world, just as my own view that God created the world does.

Throughout the Old Testament there are references to natural disasters in which the peace and harmony God brings about in the creation of the world seems to be sneaking back into the picture. Unsurprisingly the religious imagination responds to these events with a religious interpretation - God is angry.

But there are no earthquakes in the Garden of Eden, and there will be no earthquakes in the Kingdom of God. This is a fallen world where eternal life, complete peace and harmony, and an unbroken relationship between creature and its creator have been disrupted. Even so the glass is more than half full. Even in a world where death and destruction are able to make their mark they are rare compared to the peace and stability that the creation provides for most of us most of the time.

But the earthquake can remind us that God is angry. Disease, Earthquakes, Tsunamis, all these things should help us to remember that we live in a corrupted universe in which humans have turned away from God. And these things become to us God's wrath when we do not comprehend them. God's wrath is, according to Karl Barth, 'the questionableness of life is so far as we do not apprehend it....the whole world is the footprint of God; yes, but, in so far as we choose scandal rather than faith, the footprint in the vast riddle of the world is the footprint of his wrath.'

We were created to live in a perfect world in obedience and harmony with God, receiving his eternal protection and blessing, but we chose freedom from God. Eventually we will return to God and there will be no more earthquakes, no more disease, and no more tsunamis. These things are a source of existential terror to those without this faith but the terror can be overcome by faith here and now even if we have to wait for the rest.

Shari'ah Law in the UK

My MA tutor and most of my fellow students were Anglicans, it was 1997 and they were discussing who would be the next Archbishop of Canterbury. Someone suggested Rowan Williams and the tutor, a professor who holds doctorates in both theology and sociology couldn't help laughing. "That would be wonderful, I'd love it to be Rowan Williams but it never will be" he said.

Well it was and it is. The idea of a first-rate academic theologian leading the national church is something that many educated Christians thought could never happen, but now that it has the idea of going back to someone not quite so bright is depressing.

It's been said in the recent furore over his comments on Shari'ah law that it's his massive brain that is the problem - that he doesn't understand the difference between the role of an academic theologian and a church leader, but that's unfair.

Theology is difficult and so unsurprisingly his theological works are complex and not always easy to follow. But he has used a different voice as archbishop, particularly in the media -twice in the last few months I've heard him on the radio using brilliant soundbites. He talked about people "looking at the Christian story and saying 'I'm going to make that story my story'" - a brilliant way of capturing narrative as a theological device. And when talking about the duty of those in the worldwide Anglican communion with problems over homosexuality not to boycott the Lambeth conference he said that if they refused to meet with their opponents they would be "walking away from the cross".

This is brilliant stuff. It shows that he has the ability to think deeply AND express himself clearly.

So I take issue with all those who criticized him for opening his mouth on the subject of Shari'ah law in the UK, I think he has a duty to raise pressing and uncomfortable questions and to start a debate.

But while I'm glad he's spoken out, and I hope he contineus to do so, I do think he's wrong about this.

He is interested in the idea of how religious laws can co-exist with the laws of the state. The headlines were all about Islamic law but really I think he was concerned about the preservation of Christian law but then conceeded that it would be wrong to protect Christian law without affording the same rights to Muslims. It's a very fair point in that respect, his bishops sit in the house of Lords and before too long that privlege is going to have to be withdrawn or extended to other denominations and faiths.

I suspect that we might be seeing here a rerun of the debate between Lutheranism and Calvinism. Or to attempt a pithy soundbite worthy of Dr Williams it's a debate about whether our faith is 7 days a week or just for sundays.

We should resist the idea that the laws of our land are disconnected from faith communities. All the laws that have been passed with the aim of countering injustice, promoting equality of opportunity, inclusion and support for the vulnerable: are we not justified in saying that these laws, in so far as they meet these aims, are Christian laws? Equally Muslims can and should describe as Islamic all those aspects of British law, all those activities of the British state which meet Islamic objectives (Compassion, Justice etc.)

And our faith, whatever religion we are, gives us beliefs and a duty to promote them. If our beliefs have any sort of value then we must argue for them to become part of UK law not simply to be kept by our own kind but ignored by others. If our faith tells us that it is important to combat poverty and protect children then we must, as electors and as citizens play our full part in bringing about and supporting laws that achieve this. These are Christian laws and these are Islamic laws. They are also Humanist laws.

And if our faith leads us to beliefs that are rejected by mainstream society then can we ask the state to fund, support or enforce such laws? As consenting adults we can agree to be bound by such rules but religious laws don't tend to make such a distinction.

Children whose parents believe they are demon posessed (not Islamic I realise, often African Christians) are sometimes mistreated for religious reasons. But those reasons, however devoutly held by the parents are so completely rejected by the rest of us that we do not allow sincerely held religious beliefs, in these instances, to override the rights of the individual.

Once we accept this principle there can't be any grey areas. Vulnerable members of all faith communities rely on the law of the land to guarantee their rights as individuals. And if our beliefs have no persuasive force in the democratic law making process then they should not have any other sort of force. Ultimately a law has to be enforceable or it is meaningless. All religious believers have the opportunity and the duty to persuade society that its laws should take account of our beliefs and values. And if we really believe them why should we keep them to ourselves?

Finally it's worth emphasising that many Muslims were aghast at the suggestion that Shari'ah law could be given any formal status in British law. I'd particularly recommend the work of Tariq Ramadan who argues that Muslims in Europe should be claiming all those aspects of European culture (human rights, the welfare state) as being Muslim concepts.

The Christian View of Human Nature - Reality TV

If the Bible doesn’t persuade you to take the Christian view of human nature, though, try thinking about Television. I don’t mean that you will learn the truth about human nature from the content of TV programmes, but the type of programmes that get made and are successful tells you an awful lot.

The top TV producers are so successful because they know what makes us tick. They know what we’re like, how we respond, what we’re drawn to.

This is particularly true of what’s come to be known as ‘reality TV’. This sort of programme is everywhere now and it seems that people can’t get enough of them. Shows like Big Brother and wife swap. A lot of these shows, I have to say, are so successful because the people who make them understand perfectly well just how rotten human nature can be.

These shows are full of conflict and humiliation. They call them reality but they’re not reality really, they select people and edit the action in such a way to bring out the worst in people. So many of the scenarios of these reality TV programmes are designed to get people to disintegrate, to fall out, to behave really badly. They are looking for conflict, they are engineering it. They thrive on getting desperate people to embarrass themselves.

And we love it, don’t we? We lap it up. Look at these programmes and you’ll see how they exploit the very worst instincts of viewers like you and me. Just like people used to flock to watch public executions so today we can sit at home and watch real people suffering in ever more bizarre ways.

They titillate and exploit the bit inside us that gets a kick out of the suffering of others. They titillate and exploit our instincts that attract us to gratuitous and selfish lust and greed. These awful programmes are so successful because Christianity is right when it tells us that there is something unpleasant under the surface in human nature.

But there’s another type of reality TV programme that I like much more: the makeover. There’s all sorts of these, like Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares in which the charismatic and famous chef goes into a failing restaurant and turns it round. Or Faking It, where someone is taught to do something that’s utterly alien to them, like conducting an orchestra or managing a football team and they then have to pass themselves off as the real thing. There’s ‘It’s me or the dog’ where Victoria Stillwell, a dog trainer, goes to families, couples and individuals who can’t control their dog. The family always think that the dog’s the problem but she always shows them that they are the problem, and she gets them to change their ways and the dog becomes a lovely pet.

There was one particularly good one called ‘Would Like to Meet’ where people whose love life is going nowhere are taken in hand by psychologists, body language experts and fashion gurus and become transformed into someone that people want to go out with.

These sorts of shows are the opposite of Big Brother and Wife Swap. In Big Brother and Wife Swap everything starts off all nice and pleasant with everyone on their best behaviour and the deteriorate to despair. With makeover programmes it’s usually the other way round: an unhappy situation is turned into a happy one. People who are struggling are helped to overcome themselves and their problems.

Like the more negative programmes they’re successful because they tap into something deep within our nature. Although we are fallen, we are irresistibly drawn to the idea of changing things for the better. We have it in our nature to be fascinated by the suffering and humiliation of others but we also have it within ourselves to be inspired and enthralled by positive transformation.

These programmes are so popular because Christianity is right when it says that we have within us a deep need, a deep yearning to change, to transform the negative into the positive.

So we see in TV programmes the two sides of human nature as diagnosed by Christianity.

But it’s not enough for us to enjoy watching makeovers on television. Jesus expects us to be made over ourselves, in our day to day lives.

Lets remember what Paul says: Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

How does this renewing work? For us Christians it works in the same way that it works in makeover reality shows.

The first thing Gordon Ramsay does is have a good hard look at the people working in the restaurant. Then he tells them about it, in a brutally honest way. Their transformation starts with a good hard look at themselves. With a reality check. They must be able to see themselves not as they would like to be seen but the cold, harsh reality that other people see.

Jesus knows what we do. We can’t lie to Jesus. We can’t believe in God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit and still think that we can hide anything in our lives. We can’t pretend that our faults and failings aren’t there. Christian belief and Christian transformation must start with a reality check. We are sinners. If we think we’re not then there’s no hope for us. If we can see where we’re going wrong then we’ve made the first step to putting it right. Being a Christian shouldn’t just make it unavoidable to look at ourselves like this. It should make it easier too.

In ‘would like to meet’ the people who aren’t getting anywhere in their love life get told some pretty tough home truths. How their behaviour, is driving people away, how their appearance is making themselves unattractive to others. It must be very hard to hear these things and to accept them. But there’s no other way of changing the situation and they are prepared to go through it because they trust the person who is telling them these home truths. They trust that what they’re saying is true, and that they will be able to help them change.
Before Jesus gets to talking about forgiveness he spells out what perfect behaviour is, what it really means to keep the law. It’s not enough not to hit people, we mustn’t even get angry with them. It’s not enough to be faithful to your wife or husband – you mustn’t cheat on them in your secret thoughts. It’s the cold, hard, reality check that he delivers in the Gospel. He tells us ‘this is what’s expected of you, and this is what you are failing to do’

This would be a pretty unpalatable message if it weren’t for the next bit. It’s ok to fail, as long we know that we’re failing. It’s ok not to be perfect as long as we don’t think that we’re perfect. Not only is it ok. Once we admit that we can’t be perfect, and that we need to change, and we can’t make that change happen on our own, then and only then he steps in and he helps us. Always. Guaranteed.

Christianity is a makeover programme, day in day out, 24/7 and for your whole life. It’s not acceptable for a Christian to say ‘I’m a bad person in this regard and I’ll never get better’. It’s not acceptable to be so stuck in your ways that you’re not always taking part in some sort of makeover process.

It’s not acceptable to say that all the relationships in your life are never going to get any better and there’s nothing you can do to improve them.

It’s not acceptable to say that you are never going to change. If you think that then either you think that you’re perfect, a wicked and terrible heresy, or you think that Jesus has no right to expect anything better from you, an equally appalling idea.

Life’s full of makeovers. Opportunities to change things. To get more justice. To become better people. To be more like Christ. And Jesus is the makeover king. He doesn’t just tell us to change, he shows us how and he makes it possible.

I’d like to close by reading again Paul’s words about the old and the new human nature that Christ is all about. It’s the ultimate makeover.Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. 4But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, 5made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved

The Christian View of Human Nature - Scripture

If you treat the Bible as a science book or even as a history book you will inevitably be disappointed. But I’m not so interested in using the Bible this way. The thing that hits me whenever I read the Bible is that it explains brilliantly, and accurately exactly what human beings are like. Not on the surface but deep down, when we have our backs to the wall, when we’re in trouble. And that’s what today’s readings are about.

The first one is from Genesis, just before the flood, it describes what God sees when he looks at the human race:

Genesis 6: 5-8 –

From God’s point of view human nature is bad

5 The LORD saw how great man's wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time. 6 The LORD was grieved that he had made man on the earth, and his heart was filled with pain. 7 So the LORD said, "I will wipe mankind, whom I have created, from the face of the earth—men and animals, and creatures that move along the ground, and birds of the air—for I am grieved that I have made them." 8 But Noah found favour in the eyes of the LORD


We might consider dismissing this as one of those rather weird, difficult to take seriously, possibly mythological statements from Genesis. Except we can’t, there’s a pattern throughout the Bible confirming this idea that human beings are not naturally that nice.

It’s confirmed at the end of the story of the flood: God says Never again will I curse the ground because of man, even though every inclination of his heart is evil from childhood. And never again will I destroy all living creatures, as I have done.

This is Moses, in Deuteronomy, addressing his people, predicting that they will break the covenant and turn to other gods. "I know what they are disposed to do, even before I bring them into the land I promised them on oath."They may be the chosen people but as far as Moses is concerned the Israelites are every bit as afflicted with this bad side of their nature as anyone else.

The Genesis story of the fall of man is taken seriously by Paul, it’s central to his understanding of who and what Jesus was.

· In Romans 5: 12 he says 12Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned— 13for before the law was given, sin was in the world.

· And then in Romans 5:19 For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous.


And this picture of human nature is acknowledged by Jesus in Mark 7: 20-23"What comes out of a man is what makes him 'unclean.' 21For from within, out of men's hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, 22greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. 23All these evils come from inside and make a man 'unclean.' "

And yet this rather gloomy, pessimistic view of human nature that we see throughout the Bible isn’t the full story. Christianity teaches that our disagreeable nature, our sinful, fallen state is our starting point but it doesn’t have to be that way. We can change.

This good news, is made abundantly clear by Paul in these two passages:

Ephesians 2

Made Alive in Christ

1As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, 2in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. 3All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature[a] and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. 4But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, 5made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.

Romans 12

Living Sacrifices

1Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual[a] act of worship. 2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

The Christian view of human nature, that it has a natural tendency to be rotten but it can be transformed into something wonderful, is unique.

It’s different from Islam. The Qur’an, like the Bible, features the story of Adam and Eve but with a crucial difference. In the Qur’anic version Adam and Eve are forgiven by God, there’s no original sin. Islam does not recognise any sort of in built tendency to the bad in human nature. According to Islam humans are morally neutral and rational. God gives us laws and there is no excuse for not following them.

When I was teaching in schools and explained to pupils about the difference between Christianity and Islam in this respect their first reaction is always more favourable to the Islamic idea. After all it sounds very negative, even a bit hostile to say that we are all born in original sin, with a tendency towards selfishness and badness. But then I ask them ‘imagine you got caught shoplifting what sort of magistrate would you prefer to appear before: one who believes that all human beings are subject to temptation, who thinks you’re a sinner but so is he; or would you rather come before someone who believes that there is no excuse for going bad – that every human being is equally capable of either doing good or bad.’ They start out thinking the Islamic idea is kinder, but once they think about it they quickly see the advantages in the Christian view of human nature. Original Sin means that we’re all sinners, your teachers, your parents, those in authority over you are sinners too and where this is recognized authority tends to be administered a bit more fairly.

The Christian view of human nature is different from the secular political thinking of the extreme left and right wings. The thoroughly right wing view of life agrees with us that all people have it in them to l be lazy and dishonest, even cruel given the chance. But they ignore the other side of it, they have no faith that people can change, can be good,

The left wing view also only understands half of the Christian view. Socialism has a thoroughly optimistic view of human nature. According to this view people’s rotten behaviour doesn’t come from within them like Jesus says in Mark 7. People are only bad because they are trapped in unequal or unjust economic relationships. Stop oppressing people and their natural goodness will come out of them and we’ll have heaven on earth.

We’ve seen where this view gets us. Whether it’s bringing up children, schools, businesses, places of work, or our approach to law and order. If we dismiss the very idea that people can be bad, if we only ever assume the best in people we get into some very messy and unpleasant situations.

So Christianity has a unique take on human nature. This more than anything else in the Bible convinces me that it is a true religion. I look at the world around me and it seems to be true. And if it were a view that were more widely shared, perhaps even by Christians themselves, the world would quickly become a much better place.

I'm back, and this is why I've been away

When I started this blog, along with the website I said I wanted to know if I could manage the discipline of producing at least a sermon each week. Well given that I've not posted anything for the last month I think we know the answer to that one.

I do have my excuses ready, however. I'm suffering from a muscular skeletal disorder which throws my spine out of alignment and at times causes instability around my shoulder and arm which is severely aggravated by typing or using a mouse. I've had surgery on both feet to correct a structural problem (my feet were so flat footed that my ankles were collapsing and making my whole body out of kilter) but for some reason this wasn't sorting out the problem. I took my muscle strengthening and stretching exercises very seriously, in fact I was spending four or five hours a day on them, but to no avail.

I went to my orthopaedic surgeon ready to say that the surgery obviously hadn't worked and would he please chop the foot off if it would mean that the rest of the body would become stable and I could get on with my life. He surprised me by saying that in terms of bones everything was fine and he was referring me to a neurologist. The neurologist told me that he didn't believe I had any nasty or sinister condition but he would send me for an MRI scan just in case. While thoroughly relieved to be told that I probably didn't have a degenerative disease I was once again distressed by the fact that basically no one knew what the hell was wrong with me.

Then I saw a very good physiotherapist, to review some exercises that she had given me previously. She discovered, and has I think demonstrated, that this is actually all to do with my nerves. Years and years of my body being twisted out of shape has, in her words, stretched my central nervous system. Nerves are getting somewhat obstructed around the spine and are causing muscle tightness and general physical instability around the body. She did some manipulation to start to release them and the results were dramatic, all tightness and imbalance disappeared. It's going to take some time with this treatment and with new exercises specifically targetted at releasing the nerves and I'm suffering with trapped nerves on and off quite a lot. But I'm on my way now, the exercises that I do are properly targetting the problem and I'm not doing unnecessary muscular work.

It had got to the stage where the slightest amount of time on the computer would throw my whole body out and cause horrible irritation in the spine, the shoulder and the buttock. And that's why I stopped writing on this blog and on the website for this period of time. I'm hoping to train for the ministry and I had essays to complete for my distance learning theology course and ministry application forms to complete and it was an almighty struggle to get those done leaving nothing over for anything else.

It's been a tough time but I feel pretty optimistic now. I'm back and hopefully won't have to go missing like this again! Hopefully I'll be posting much more regularly now.